


On Repeat

by nutshikas



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And probably OOC, Angst, Bobby is Kind of a Dick, But Like Groundhog Month Honestly, But Like Sort of Happy, But also, F/M, Groundhog Day, Happy Ending, I Am So Conflicted About Bobby, I Dunno It's Disjointed, I'm Sorry, Kind of Self Aware I Guess, Love Confessions, Love Island: The Game Season 2, No Fluff, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Sorry Not Sorry, Time Loop, Unrequited Love, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, this is a sad one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26419414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nutshikas/pseuds/nutshikas
Summary: Bobby thought he'd met the love of his life on Love Island. Alexandria was everything he'd been searching for, she was everything he'd ever dreamed of... But he couldn't keep a hold of her. Now the Love Island Gods, wherever they are, have given him another chance to win her over. Can he do it? Does he even want to?
Relationships: Bobby McKenzie & Main Character (Love Island), Bobby McKenzie & Original Character(s), Bobby McKenzie/Original Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 17





	On Repeat

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea after doing 4 or 5 playthroughs in a week and I was getting more and more frustrated with how possessive Bobby is about the MC in the way it's obvious he was definitely supposed to be the planned "true route" for players so if you're not with him he just. Is unhappy and I dunno it's weird to me how many comments he makes about it when he isn't with you even if you aren't with him so I wrote this. It's my first published work for the fandom and I'm sorry it's Not Happy but the other ones that are happy will never see the light of day.

**ZERO**

It’s hard to stomach it when it happens, though Bobby had been expecting it for awhile. What better time than during the Love Island Reunion, on national television, with all of their fellow islanders and friends there to congratulate them? He curses the fact he’s already on his fifth drink and he’s not the least bit buzzed, his heart twisting painfully in his chest as he pats Gary on the back and ushers him forward with a grin and a shout.

She stands there with Priya and Chelsea looking radiant as ever, dressed in his favorite color, every curve and line of her body accentuated by the soft light of the villa garden. It’s a different villa this time, the producers mentioned something about why they moved but he wasn’t listening much. He hasn’t been able to look away from her the whole night anyway, he can’t bring himself to knowing he’s about to lose her forever.

Gary’s been nervous since they arrived. “Sure we live together,” he’d said, “but it’s like it’ll be this big, official… thing.”

He’d almost lost the ring a couple of times, the same ring his granddad had given to his nan, and he asked Bobby to hold onto it for safekeeping until now because he couldn’t afford to lose such a precious heirloom or risk her prematurely finding it.

Briefly, he registers Lottie’s presence beside him, her hand gripping his shoulder almost painfully as she watches the man she loves approach the woman Bobby’s loved since the moment he’d met her.

It’s almost laughable how much his heart aches when she turns around and spots the blonde man on one knee. Tears are in her eyes, Priya has to keep her standing as she sobs, and even that sound is beautiful.

She says yes of course.

That haunts him as he’s driven back to his hotel that night. Lottie offers to keep him company but he knows what that means and doesn’t think it’s the best idea.

In his room he opens the mini fridge, throwing back tiny bottle after tiny bottle of high end liquor he knows he could never afford. He can’t see straight, his head’s fucked, he can’t believe he missed out on being with her, she was in his grasp and he’d slipped at the last hurdle.

He goes to sleep that night thinking he’d give anything to be with her, to do it all over again. Maybe then he could be the one who makes her smile.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP ONE FRAGMENT ONE**

He wakes in an unfamiliar bed and panics for a moment. The ceiling isn’t the same as he remembers and he’s surprised to find he’s not even remotely hung over. The bottles from the night before have all disappeared and there’s no longer a stain over the top of the duvet from where he’d spilled some wine. When he glances at the alarm clock that’s supposed to be on the end table he’s surprised to find it gone. He decides to check his phone for the time instead but he can’t find that either.

A few minutes later the room’s been completely destroyed as he tosses it in search of the infernal device. Nothing. It’s nowhere to be found.

“What the fuck?” he breathes, running a nervous hand through his sleep-tousled locs.

There’s a knock at his door and Mark, the intern who’d been helping him when he first came onto the show, somehow opens the door. When the sandy haired man takes in the sight of the room he frowns.

“Er… Bobby, are you alright?” he asks, glancing around the room.

Bobby can’t stop staring, a puzzled look on his face.

When he doesn’t get an answer, Mark crosses the room and places a gentle hand on the Scot’s shoulder. “Bobby?”

Bobby flinches and moves quickly away. “What’s going on?” he demands, and Mark blinks a bit, confused.

“What do you mean?” he asks. “It’s time to head to the villa.”

“But we’ve just filmed the reunion, why do we need to go there?”

Now it’s Mark’s turn to look alarmed.

“Er… No?” he offers up weakly. “Today’s the first day of filming.”

_What?_

He can’t possibly be serious. It’s already November, they’ve just filmed the Christmas reunion. Lex and Gary have just gotten engaged, he watched it happen, _everyone_ watched it happen.

“Are you fucking joking?” he snaps, and Mark flinches away.

“Um… I can go get someone else, if you want…?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer from the increasingly angry baker, simply turns and runs out the door.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP THIRTY-TWO**

They’re lounging on the beanbags watching Gary and Henrik working out together at the gym. Gary’s muscles bulge as he practices his deadlifts, tossing obviously flirty glances their way, a soft smirk on his face.

“What d’you think of Gary?” Lex asks.

This has happened before. Whether he tells her he’s an ass or not, she’s still going to go over there. She and Lottie aren’t getting along this time around, the Australian has yelled at her one too many times it seems, and so she’ll completely ignore Lottie who’s standing just to the side and focus all her attention on the scruffy blonde man.

He wonders if Henrik and Lottie will make it to the final again, or if he’ll be voted out this time. It all depends on Lex, on who she chooses to back.

It’s not looking good for the Swede.

Bobby shrugs noncommittally and takes a drink from his water bottle.

“He could probably lift a train but he’s not got much going on upstairs,” he responds. He knows saying that will piss her off, will make her jump to his defense.

She does, of course, scolds him for being so rude when he’s just telling the truth. Or at least it’s the truth he wants to believe. He knows she brings out another side to people, it’s part of why he loves her so much.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I’m not a fan,” she says as she stands.

He watches her go with a disgruntled frown on his face, more aimed at himself than her.

He didn’t try as hard to keep her with him this time.

In the back of his head he wonders why.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP ONE FRAGMENT TWO**

He’s not totally sure what’s going on, but they are without a doubt just starting to film the show. Gary hadn’t recognized him when they entered the villa together, and the guys basically just regurgitated what they’d said to him that very first day.

_Is this some kind of fucked up dream?_

He’s still having trouble processing it as they all line up. The guys are becoming increasingly nervous as they wait for the first girl to arrive and Bobby’s trying to remember who it was who came out first.

The sound of heels on pavement can be heard from behind the decorative wooden wall, though he can’t see who it is through the plants.

_Who the fuck was it?_

Why is he back here anyway? Nobody remembers him, it’s as if time’s reset itself.

“Alright, boys?”

That voice. He’d heard it just the night before, accepting a proposal and a ring from one of his best mates in the world.

“I’m Lex, how are we?”

He’s fucked.

He’s absolutely fucked.

Soft curves barely hidden by the high-cut bikini she’s wearing, the long lines of her legs accentuated by the grouping of roses and vines running up one of her thighs, wild caramel curls offset by intense eyes the shade of sea glass.

Lex meets his gaze and smiles, the same way she had all those months ago the first time they met, and his heart stops.

Whoever the fuck is out there, whatever the fuck has decided to have pity on him, the Love Island gods or whatever the fuck it was…

They’ve given him another chance.

“How’s it goin’, babes?” she asks him. She isn’t looking at anyone else.

“Loads better now you’ve walked in.”

~*~*~*~

**ZERO**

“Could you see us couplin’ up again?”

They’re resting on the beanbags after the boys’ choice recoupling. He’d been planning to choose her again but Rocco, the self righteous prick, swooped in and took her out from under him and he was left to choose Lottie.

He reckons he and Lottie’ll get on, but he knows he’s already too far gone on her.

“Already sick of Rocco?” he quips, a cheeky grin on his face. That fades when he notices how serious she actually looks.

“Obviously I’m gonna try to give it a go with Rocco, I can’t just mug ‘im off,” she replies, picking anxiously at the astroturf to her right, “but at the moment I don’t think I’ll like him more than I like you.”

His heart soars at that and he grins from behind his water bottle.

“Yeah, he don’t make ya laugh like I do,” he brags. “Or make those cheese toasties ya like so much.” She rolls her eyes and nudges him over.

“Alright big ‘ead, you’ll have trouble fittin’ through the door like that.”

A shadow overtakes them and she glances over her shoulder.

“Alright?” Rocco greets them and Bobby can feel his heart sink.

_Fuck._

“Yeah, sound,” she replies, taking his outstretched hand and allowing herself to be hoisted up.

_Don’t go._

“Mind if I have a chat with my girl, mate?” Rocco is grinning but theres a warning in those deep green eyes.

_Fuck off._

“‘Course not,” Bobby responds, faking a smile. “You’re coupled after all.”

He watches them go and grits his teeth when he catches the disappointment on her face. She mouths “sorry” to him, then turns and reluctantly wraps her arm around the other’s waist.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP EIGHTY-SEVEN FRAGMENT ONE**

He doesn’t get it. Bobby just doesn’t get it.

How the _fuck_ does he keep her from leaving him for Noah?

He’s tried Operation Nope a few times through, with generally mixed results. If they fucked the night before, she’ll be livid. If all they’ve done is cuddle, she’ll consider it but turn him down and stand up for both him and Priya when the villa turns on them. If he doesn’t do it at all, Noah somehow manages to worm his way through, get his grubby little paws on her heart as he leads two other women on in the background.

He’d already decided after the twentieth cycle he’s really not a fan of the librarian.

This time, they _did_ fuck. It was one of the best times they’ve had together, he’s feeling confident about his chances with her, thinks they could get to the final like this, he’s just got to keep her happy.

Then Priya suggests the plan.

This has happened a few times before. He’s tried rejecting her, and she’ll normally go through with the plan anyway, just with the added bonus of her being angry with him for not assisting. For some reason the older woman thinks his contribution could do something to add to the experience.

He actually thinks it’s an excuse to bring him down too. She’s always been jealous of Lex, though she doesn’t show it too often. It’ll be a small flash of emotion after someone says something about her, or a neutral comment she makes to at least throw the other off balance.

He found out awhile ago Priya will always have feelings for him. It’s the reason she steals him when she comes in, _especially_ when he’s coupled with Lex, because she doesn’t like to lose.

Lex is tough competition for all the girls. One cycle she actually came through as the bombshell and everyone, including Priya, lost their fucking minds.

Sometimes he thinks it would be easier to go for the older woman, who’s so open with affection and so willing to show him just how much she cares. He makes Lex cry when she says she doesn’t like the plan.

He isn’t surprised when he walks in on Noah kissing her a few hours later.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP ONE FRAGMENT THREE**

Priya’s been hanging around him all day asking him for advice on who is and isn’t available.

“And how are you and Alexandria doing?”

He remembers when this first happened it was still early days with him and Lex. He never once discouraged her, gave her an easy out in lieu of risking pissing off one of the other girls. Lex isn’t the type to fly off the handle without reason, and even after he’d been stolen she’d quickly become best mates with the older woman.

She’s gorgeous and it’s nice to know she thinks him attractive, but it’s not really the same with her. He doesn’t want her the way he wants Lex. He can’t play it safe this time, absolutely cannot risk keeping his cards so close with everything else at stake.

“I really like her,” he admits. “And I think you’re lovely, but I can’t lie, I’d be gutted if you took me from her.”

Priya blinks once, twice, then three times and laughs.

“Already met your forever girl?” she teases, but it’s plain to see there’s hurt in her eyes.

“Unfortunately,” he chuckles softly. “She’s a bang ten out of ten and I know for a fact a few of the others have got their eye on her. I’d like to keep her with me as long as possible.”

It’s quiet for a moment before she laughs again. “I never expected you to be so serious,” she quips.

“What can I say, I’m deeper than the Mariana’s Trench,” he responds, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. “And anyway, I think you’re better suited to Noah if I’m being totally honest.”

She perks up at that, “You really think so?”

He remembers the way the librarian looked at Priya, how he’d chosen her at the disaster recoupling, the way he’d been watching her even at the after party the night he came in fourth place.

“Absolutely,” he confirms matter-of-factly. “We’re pretty close already, I know these things. I’ve got eyes and ears all over the place!”

Eventually, she leaves, though not before she throws a sultry look at him, her way of saying thanks.

Later that night he’s grinning from ear to ear as she chooses to steal Noah. Lex relaxes in his grip and cuddles up to him, a private, grateful smile on her face as it all kicks off in front of him.

~*~*~*~

**L?_P ?$?#@**

This is it, he thinks. She’s chosen to take Noah on a date. Hope looks worried, though she plays it off with a laugh. She and Bobby end up forced together for the day and he can tell she’s trying not to chat shit to him. Right now he doesn’t think he’d care if she did.

The date goes by quickly, and Noah and Alexandria are, unsurprisingly, the last to return to the villa from their no doubt romantic afternoon alone. Noah doesn’t seem to thrilled, though, and he makes a beeline for Hope.

“Can I have a chat?” he hears the librarian ask. He thinks it might be Noah asking for Hope. This has happened before. They come back from their date and Noah declares he suddenly loves Alexandria and breaks it off there. He prefers those outcomes, it saves everyone else the headache of another three weeks of pointless drama.

He’s wrong. Someone’s snapping in his face; it’s Noah. Noah was asking for a chat with _him_.

This has never happened before.

“Oh,” he responds dumbly, “you meant me?”

Noah rolls his eyes but nods, a hesitant smile on his face.

He remembers when he was friends with Noah. He kind of misses it. Maybe he’ll try again, next time around.

The taller man pulls him away and Bobby’s readying himself for a punch to the gut but it never comes.

Apparently Alexandria asked Noah on the date because she can tell something’s off and, seeing as how the librarian is Bobby’s apparent best friend (which is laughable at this point, he’s been snaked so many times before), she wanted advice. Noah tells him he’s being a bit too closed off to her, warns he’ll lose her if he doesn’t fix this soon.

“You like her, don’t you?” Noah prods.

Bobby doesn’t answer.

He’s not sure what to say anymore.

Disgust and something else twist painfully in his gut as he forces a smile and shrugs. Noah picks up on it but doesn’t say much else, just pats him on the shoulder and walks off. The tired Scotsman watches him go.

~*~*~*~

**ZERO**

“Alright, mate?”

Bobby tenses and tries to look busy with the tea that’s already been properly brewed, frowning to himself as he hears Lucas round the counter to stand just beside him.

He’s not a fan of the new lads, though Henrik’s slowly growing on him. On the other hand, Lucas is a cocky twat with too much money for his own good. He’s obviously just here for a bit of fun, and unfortunately for both Bobby and Rocco, the attractive physio’s got his eye on Lex.

“Yeah, what’s up?” he finally responds, forcing a smile onto his face. The stench of the other man’s expensive aftershave makes him want to gag as he leans in a bit closer to the Scottish lad.

“I was wondering if you could lend me a hand with Alexandria,” he replies, and the sound of her full given name coming from his mouth makes Bobby feel a bit sick.

His stomach twists as he glances around the kitchen. They’re alone but that doesn’t mean much here, as the cameras posted everywhere will pick up every little thing he says. He can’t really afford to be rude, he knows Lex wouldn’t like it if it came back to her, and he’s trying his best to keep her happy, especially after what’s happened with Rocco.

“What do you mean?” he asks, and that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach returns.

“From what I’ve seen, you guys are like best mates, right?”

 _That’s one way to put it_.

He struggles to continue smiling and throws his hands up with a shrug. “Got me there. What do you need?”

“Just wondering if you could put in a good word for me? We had a great date, but she still seemed a bit unsure.”

_Fuck._

He wants to say no. He wants to scream and shout from the roof terrace that Lex is his and his alone, that he’s the only one who could truly make her happy.

But he knows he can’t do that.

The brunette bombshell has done nothing but smile since she returned from her date and it’s all she can do to keep herself from gushing over him every other second.

“Definitely,” he agrees. His stomach twists itself into knots.

“Thanks, mate. You’re a good guy.” Lucas pats him on the shoulder, turns on his heel and leaves. Bobby can already feel the bile rising as his eyes begin to burn.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP ONE FRAGMENT FOUR**

Noah’s been watching Lex more and more lately. He was aware the librarian had had a passing attraction to the brunette, though Priya’s presence had always seemed to stand in the way of that. He supposes not everything is going the way it previously had, he’s still coupled with Lex after all.

Hope had stolen Noah back from Priya during the previous night’s recoupling and he and Lex had managed to escape the ensuing drama by taking the offer to stay the night in the Hideaway.

His lips feel electric, he’s absolutely buzzing after their night together, but he can’t help feel uneasy as he watches Noah following Lex around like some sort of kicked animal. Supposedly he and Priya hadn’t got on as well as anyone initially thought they would, though the majority of the complaints are coming from the more stoic man. Noah’s far too serious for her and, as much as Bobby loves the bloke, he’s a bit of a bore.

He’s not sure why he’s suddenly turned his affections to Lex, he seemed excited to have been taken back by Hope, though Priya is less inclined to agree on that.

They hatch a plan to turn his head back in her favor, both for Bobby’s benefit and hers.

“Why don’t we invite Lex over and ask her opinion on it?” she suggests.

“That could work,” he agrees, because he really doesn’t see why it would hurt. He waves her over and she finally manages to ditch Noah, a relaxed grin on her face as she approaches.

She’s practically glowing today which can most certainly be attributed to the previous night’s romp in the sheets. They hadn’t gone too far, Lex wasn’t ready for that yet, and though every bone in his body ached to feel her completely he’s open to waiting.

He’s already waited this long.

Lex falls gracefully onto the daybed, stretching out across both Priya and Bobby’s laps, a smile on her face. “What did you need?”

“We were just talking,” Priya smiles, glancing at Bobby from the corner of her eye before she starts running her fingers carefully through the other girl’s curls, “and we were thinking we should test how real Nope actually is.”

Frowning, Lex properly sits up, gently swatting her friend’s hand out of the way. “What? Why?”

He can tell Priya’s getting annoyed and she rolls her eyes when Lex isn’t looking. “Well, he was so happy to be paired up with me and then Hope swooped in and took him. And he didn’t so much as look at me after!”

The older woman huffs as she watches Lex glance over at the pool where Noah is currently swimming laps with Lucas.

“Maybe he just didn’t want to hurt your feelings?” she offers nervously. Bobby can feel her starting to tense up.

“Well, he’s gone about it the complete wrong way,” Priya mutters. “I just want to see for sure if his head could be turned.”

“You can try it out too if you like,” Bobby offers with a smile. “I’m not the jealous type anyway.”

He knows she’d never go for it, she’s far too loyal to even try. She trusted Gary with the whole Hannah thing and it only strengthened their relationship afterward. Why should this time be any different?

“Actually, I think I’m alright,” she replies. Before Bobby can properly celebrate her decision, she fixes him with an unreadable look, rises from the daybed, and walks away.

~*~*~*~

**L?_P ?$?#@**

He’s watching her carefully as she comes around the wall. Something’s different about the way she’s carrying herself. She looks… _off_ , somehow. He’d given up hope of ever breaking this cruel cycle, but looking at her now, that foreign feeling of hope is creeping its way slowly back up his spine. He has to fight it back down when she stops in front of them.

She scans the line coolly, a soft smile on her face. She stops at Bobby. Her eyes bore into him.

“Have we met before?” she asks.

This has happened a few times before. He’s never responded positively, it’s always an awful reminder of what he’s failed to do.

It’s a reminder of who he’s become.

He’s not sure what he says, basically runs on autopilot at this point, going through the motions, getting kicked off, rinse, repeat. It must have been different somehow, because her entire face comes to life and she’s laughing. He missed her laugh. He hasn’t heard it in awhile, has tried to distance himself from anything involving her. He’s drowned his sorrows with Lottie, Jo, Priya, Hannah, Chelsea… It feels like he’s been with everyone but Hope, but he’s sure at some point it’s happened.

“I can’t pass up a guy with a great sense of humor,” he hears, wonders if she’s talking about Gary. “I’d like to couple up with Bobby.”

“Huh.”

Alexandria crosses the spaces between them, introduces herself more personally, plants a soft kiss on his cheek.

He feels nothing.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP ONE HUNDRED NINETY-FOUR**

He’s confused when his heart doesn’t jump the way it has before as she stands before them. She’s radiant as ever, but something isn’t right. She won’t look at him, hasn’t for the last couple of days. It’s the final recoupling, he was certain he’d done everything right.

He hadn’t tried with Operation Nope this time, had been loyal during Casa Amor (he’d tested it before, bringing someone else back with him, and every time she’d come back single, a heartbroken smile on her face as she congratulated him), had even refrained from making a snide comment about whoever it was she was forced to cook dinner with after the Shannon-Jo-Ibrahim situation was resolved.

A couple of times she’s been involved in that love triangle (square?) and a couple of times she’d given up on him and moved on to other men. Once she’d actually gotten ejected for smacking Jo after a comment she’d made. He hadn’t heard what it was, but Lex wasn’t easily angered, so he tends to give her the benefit of the doubt in that context.

Someone’s phone beeps.

“It’s me.”

Bobby’s eyebrows raise as he watches Lex stand. That’s odd. Something’s up. Hope always goes first, always gets to Noah before Lex or whoever else is after him this time around. One time he’d actually gotten with _Chelsea_. _That_ particular cycle had been a weird one.

“This has been a really difficult decision.”

He furrows his brows. Why would it be difficult? They’ve been together since the start.

“The girls know I’ve been struggling a lot with this, and…”

Lex bites her lip, chews on it anxiously as she glances across the line of boys. Her eyes keep drifting to one in particular. Bobby can’t believe this is happening, doesn’t want it to.

He’d done everything _right_ this time.

“I came here looking for love. And… this boy, from the start, has always been there for me, encouraging me from the sidelines, picking me up when I’m down…”

He’d done that, hadn’t he?

“I was surprised when I realized that… I was falling for him. And I know it’s late in the game, I know this could be a _huge_ mistake, but…”

He’d been there for her through everything, right? He’d done everything for her, he always had her laughing, she never _stopped_ laughing around him. He’d done everything he could, hadn’t he?

Hadn’t he?

“I have to go with my heart. I’m coupling up with Noah.”

Everything fades, there’s some sort of white noise in the background, as Hope finally snaps.

~*~*~*~

**ZERO**

“I don’t think I’ll ever get him back,” Lottie whispers, and his heart shatters when he hears her voice catch.

“You don’t know that,” he whispers softly.

But he knows.

Gary’s fancied Lex since the start and the _second_ Lucas fucked Blake the blonde’s been on cloud nine, biding his time for when the villas combine once again and he can swoop in and save her from her heartbreak. It’s like Lottie never existed, like they hadn’t been together before the disaster recoupling.

Bobby wishes he could do something like that, hates himself for not being confident enough in himself to approach her so boldly. He’s spent the majority of his time here helping others get closer while keeping her at arm’s length himself because he’s scared. He’s scared of being vulnerable, terrified of losing his mask. He’s never let his guard down with a woman before, but with Lex it’s all he wants to do.

So why can’t he bring himself to do it?

He feels sick, like the villa itself is tossing and swaying as he watches everyone’s favorite crane operator from Chatham sweep her into his bulging arms and whisper sweet reassurances into her ear.

He supposes he can’t be too surprised when four days later Lex and Gary officially couple up.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP ONE FINAL FRAGMENT**

When he pops his head through the door of the dressing room the girls are quiet, tense. He’s not totally sure what would have caused that, but he also doesn’t care enough to actually check. Lex hasn’t spoken to him since the day of Operation Nope and she’s just returned from her date with Jakub.

Bobby won’t admit he was more than a little hurt when she accepted his offer.

“You girls mind if I borrow Lex for a chat?” he asks.

He tries not to notice the way she stiffens and then forces her body to relax.

 _I did that to her_.

He doesn’t have a good feeling about tonight.

Lex agrees, albeit begrudgingly, and she follows him silently downstairs. They pass through the bedroom, where the guys are all lounging on Noah’s bed. Gary shoots him a sympathetic look. His stomach twists in that painful way again.

Once they’re outside, Bobby leads her to the firepit and takes a seat on the curved bench, trying his hardest not to be hurt when she puts a considerable amount of space between them.

It’s quiet. Awkward.

Tense.

“So…,” he starts, clearing his throat and tossing on his fakest smile, “how was your date?”

“Awful,” Lex deadpans. She’s choosing to inspect her nails instead of look at the boy beside her. “He’s as shallow as he looks.”

Hope stirs weakly in his chest.

“Man, that sucks,” he chuckles softly, fights against the frown threatening to tug the corners of his mouth.

Lex doesn’t laugh.

They sit together in awkward silence again. He watches as the guys race to the kitchen from inside the villa, whooping and hollering with one another about shots. Bobby could really do with one.

“What did you want, Bobby?” she asks, tiredly, when the silence has stretched on long enough to be considered comfortable.

“What, I can’t pull my girl aside for an awkward chat by the fire?” he teases softly. Her frown stays firmly in place. When he realizes she isn’t going to rise to it, he sighs. “I just wanted to get an idea of where your head is at.”

“Oh?”

She doesn’t sound very interested. In fact, it seems like she’s doing everything she can to seem as blank and bland as she possibly can.

“Yeah.” He hopes she didn’t catch the squeak in his voice. A lump is already forming in his throat.

“Alright. Where do you _think_ my head’s at?” she prompts.

Bobby takes a moment to think on it. Obviously, she’s pissed. She hasn’t spoken to him in two or three _days_ , choosing the couch in the lounge over sharing a bed with him. Priya hasn’t been able to get much out of her either.

He knows from one of the camera guys, Steven, that she’s been speaking with the producers a lot and they’ve been sending her to speak with the counselors they keep on site. He doesn’t know what exactly they’re speaking about, he’s not totally sure what the problem could be. It’s not like her forced her into anything.

“Well, you’re obviously not too pleased with me,” he shrugs nervously. “But it doesn’t seem like you’re into anyone else, so it seems you’re stuck with me.” That last part had been meant as a joke, he tried his hardest to change his inflection but the hopelessness is getting to him and he’s sure she’s caught on to it.

“You’re right,” she responds with a nod, “I’m _not_ into anyone else, which is why this is so frustrating.”

That doesn’t make too much sense to him, and he’s about to tell her as such when she raises her hand to cut him off.

“I feel awful,” she announces weakly, “that’s why I accepted Jakub’s offer in the first place. I dunno what I did to upset you or if I just wasn’t good enough that night in the Hideaway–”

“Wait, _what_?”

Annoyance flickers across her face before she schools her expression back into one of cold indifference. What does she _mean_ she wasn’t good enough?

“Is that not why you told me to try it on with Noah?” she demands. “I know you’re not the jealous type but it’s kinda fuckin’ rude to try to actively push the girl you’re coupled up with onto another guy, like.”

Panic rises and he shoots to his feet. “That’s not why I did that at all!” he protests. He vaguely registers the looks they’re getting from the others standing in the kitchen. “I did it for you, I just needed to get Noah’s attention off of you, and I thought, like, if Priya had been with him and he decided he wasn’t into her once he had her, that–”

It’s Lex’s turn to stand as she folds her arms across her chest, fiery rage now melting through her frozen exterior.

“Are you fuckin’ jokin’?” she snaps. “Don’t act like you did this for me, Bobby. This was all you and Priya, do _not_ try to bring me into it.”

She takes a step closer to him, jamming her finger into his chest the same way she had that night, the night he confessed to her, the night he lost her for good–

“I don’t think you two understand exactly what you’ve done,” she says. “You were bein’ selfish, fine, whatever, but you do _not_ get to act like you thought you were helping anything.”

Her stance is much more aggressive now as she tries to make herself taller. Everyone’s attention is on them, not just the small group in the kitchen, and he barely registers the hurt on Priya’s face.

“You purposely destabilized a couple instead of speaking like fuckin’ adults,” she lists, counting on her fingers as she goes, “you completely ignored the fact Noah _asked_ Hope to pick him again, my friends will not fuckin’ speak to me anymore because I didn’t tell ‘em what was happenin’ _to protect you_ , and you seem to have completely forgotten the fact you told me to my fuckin’ face you don’t mind if I crack on with other men after we had just spent the previous night alone, together, in _bed_ , in the Hideaway.”

It’s silent.

A few people are trying to quietly return inside, though their footsteps sound like thunder in this moment.

“So I will ask you again, _Bobby–_ ” she gets into his face properly now, and he’s never been more terrified in his life “–what the _fuck_ did I do to you to deserve this?”

He can’t answer. There’s no joke he can make to cover the hurt he feels, the hurt he’s caused. Now that she’s done with her short rant he can truly make out how distressed she is. There are heavy circles under her eyes, though she always waves it off like it’s nothing when someone asks, and her shoulders are sagging considerably.

He was blind.

“I’m done with this,” she mutters after another eternity with no answers. She turns on her heel and walks back into the villa.

The next morning she’s gone and the producers gather everyone else just after they’ve woken up to reveal she left in the middle of the night, willingly quit because she couldn’t stand to be coupled with him another moment. Of course that’s not _exactly_ what they say, but Bobby can read between the lines.

Lottie and Hope say it’s better this way, that it’s one less snake in the villa. Priya cries on the terrace for the majority of the day, watches from afar as Ibrahim considers leaving himself. They haven’t been able to reconcile their differences after their failed plan, and everyone knows that now one of the boys will be kicked off if they don’t bring someone else in soon.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP EIGHTY-SEVEN FRAGMENT TWO**

Noah’s going to cheat, he’s already decided. Bobby’s seen that look before, and it always means Lex is left single and alone and _sobbing_. He let her down during Operation Nope, this time will be different. This time he’ll swoop in and save her, make her understand just how much he cares about her, how hard he’s willing to fight.

Halfway into the usual speech he makes when he re-enters the villa, he stops.

Someone is sitting beside Lex, a man with piercing blue eyes and thick bands of black inked onto his arms. The way he watches Bobby reminds him of an owl. There’s a smirk on his face, a self-satisfied air about him that he immediately decides he hates.

He’s never met this guy before. Lex has never brought anyone back before, this is completely out of his depth.

What had he done to cause this? What did the girls see while they were gone?

“Hey,” the guy greets him, standing and offering his hand. “I’m Kassam. Heard a lot about you from Lex.”

Lex.

He calls her Lex.

Only Bobby should get to call her that.

Kassam takes his seat again and wraps an arm around _Bobby’s_ girl. He forces a friendly smile onto his face as his heart breaks all over again.

~*~*~*~

**L00P FIV3 HUNDR3D TW3NTY_THR33**

“Do I know you from somewhere?”

That’s a new one.

Bobby snorts, sneering at the gorgeous brunette in front of him. He hates her curls, hates that fucking swimsuit she’s wearing, in his favorite color no less. He can’t stand to look at her beautiful sea green eyes.

He’s tired, so tired.

“Doubt you’d remember a peasant like me if you had,” he responds. He doesn’t try to hide the venom in his tone.

She’s taken aback, as is everyone else down the line. Bobby doesn’t really fucking care.

Gary swoops in with a smooth one-liner, and yeah, he may have just given her to the guy on a silver platter, but he’s fucking _tired_ and he’s not sure what he wants anymore.

She chooses Noah.

Hope steals him.

Bobby’s stuck with her anyway.

As soon as the coupling is over, she walks away. She doesn’t speak to him for the remainder of the day.

He’s glad for Priya’s presence, if only because he knows she’ll be stealing him.

~*~*~*~

**L?_P ?$?#@**

He let Priya steal him this time. He needs to get away from Alexandria, but she just won’t leave him alone. Once more he’s floating above himself as he chooses her over Priya. He catches the rejection in the older woman’s dark eyes, can practically feel the pain she’s going through as she watches Alexandria approach him.

He pecks her on the cheek and takes a seat.

He doesn’t know why he just did that.

~*~*~*~

**ZERO**

“She liked you for awhile, you know.”

He’s gonna fucking throw up.

Hannah tosses a dress he’s fairly certain belongs to Hope into her suitcase. He really can’t be bothered right now, his head’s all over the gaff.

It’s been a long, awful, emotional night, full of crazy ups and downs. The final recoupling was a complete disaster, all owed to Lottie stealing Henrik from Chelsea in a fit of rage when Lex chose Gary once and for all. Everyone else’s couple was a right fucked up mess.

The following days were tense, with Chelsea and Henrik willingly quitting the show together the very next morning, forcing Lottie and _Jakub_ of all people to then couple up or voluntarily leave. They chose to stay, if only because Jakub still believed he had a chance with Hope.

“Who did?” Bobby asks, trying to come off as aloof and unbothered when in reality every fibre of his being is screaming in pain. He knows who.

“You know who.” Hannah fixes him with an uninterested glare.

Instead of answering, he exits the bedroom and heads to the bathroom to pack his toiletries and properly collect himself.

He’d caught her watching on occasion but originally didn’t think much of it, especially after Lucas essentially swept her off her feet with Bobby’s begrudging assistance.

 _Haven’t done myself many favors in here_.

He doesn’t speak, his eyes blurring as he feels his heart break into a thousand pieces.

~*~*~*~

**L0000P !,300 + F00RTY-3!GHT??**

Ibrahim and Gary jump up when they see her coming. He can’t even bring himself to look at her. She’s watching Gary carefully, a smile on her face as the hulking blonde pulls her into his arms, kisses her like nobody’s around them.

He can’t help but the bitterness creeping through his chest, constricting his lungs and heart. She didn’t bring someone back, hadn’t even gotten mad when Lucas walked in with Blake. She’d congratulated him, told him how happy she was for him. She and Gary are both single now. Sure, so is he and so is Lottie, but all Alexandria can see right now is Gary and Bobby wants to be _sick_ …

Without a word to the brunette he jumps to his feet and retreats to the kitchen. He and Lottie have some catching up to do. He grabs a couple of condoms from a bowl on the way.

~*~*~*~

**L?_P ?$?#@**

“Fancy sharin’ a bed, Bobs?”

Bobby cringes at the almost desperate tone to Alexandria’s voice. He almost wishes she’d brought back Kassam, or Carl, or whoever the fuck tickled her fancy during their three day vacation to Casa Amor. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to deal with the roiling turmoil he feels every time he looks at her.

He plasters on his brightest smile and shrugs, “Sorry, Lottie’s already claimed me for the night!” That’s a lie, Lottie and Gary are going to be sleeping in the lounge together on the couch, but he’d rather die than sleep in a bed with her at the minute.

Alexandria, predictably, wilts a bit, though she forces an understanding smile onto her pretty face and nods. “Okay. S’pose I’ll catch you later then.”

He watches her grab a pillow and walk outside, presumably to the daybeds. Lottie stays in the lounge with Gary. Bobby curls up under the covers alone.

~*~*~*~

**L00P FIV3 HUNDR3D TW3NTY_THR33 FRG TW00**

Disgust is the only thing he feels as he watches her practically throwing herself at Ibrahim in the gym. And right in front of Priya. Of course, he can’t say much about it, seeing as Priya’s been coupled up with him since day two, but he knows her eyes have begun to wander.

They always do.

He doesn’t get what she sees in Ibrahim. He’s far too uptight for her, he’s wishy washy and consistently causes one of the more destructive arcs of drama among them. He’s tried everything but that stupid fucking love triangle always seems to happen.

He supposes this time it’s gonna be a square.

~*~*~*~

**L?_P ?$?#@**

“Bobby, are you okay?”

It’s just before Mr. Love Island. Bobby hates this day specifically, if only because today is the day he realized he was well and truly in love with her. Now it only brings him a hollow feeling, one that follows him through to the end of the day.

Sometimes she chooses to help him and sometimes she doesn’t. Today she has, because they’re coupled up and she wants to be helpful and knows how he struggles with things like self confidence. He’s never told her that before, but somehow she knows.

This Alexandria knows.

“Fine,” he responds, clipped, the way he’s chosen to address her from now on. It’s not worth it anymore. Nothing will come of it.

He’ll end up losing her anyway.

Alexandria pretends she isn’t hurt by him snapping at her. Bobby can’t really find it in him to care. She shows him her special talent, a fucking _backflip_ , as if that’s something special to be celebrated. He’ll mention it in his acceptance speech later.

He’s so tired.

“Are you sure?” she presses him. “Have I done something? I haven’t made you uncomfortable, have I?”

He blinks. _What?_ “What?” he asks aloud.

“It’s just…” he watches her worry at her lip “…I’ve noticed how you treat the others compared to me. You’re… cold sometimes. Did I say something wrong? You don’t joke around with me like you do with Lottie.”

Ah. So that’s it.

“It’s not you, I’ve just been off,” he shrugs. He knows she’s not convinced.

“If… If you say so,” she sighs.

Bobby makes an excuse about burning his cupcakes and heads off to finish getting ready for the challenge. Something stirs in his chest. He tries desperately to shove it back down.

~*~*~*~

**L00P FIV3 HUNDR3D TW3NTY_THR33 FRG THR33**

It’s like he’s watching from above himself as she continues to accept his apologies, _allows_ Ibrahim to treat her like this.

Bobby would never have acted the way he does, the way he always has.

He wonders why Ibrahim refuses to ask her to be his girlfriend until their final date when he always asks Jo the fucking _day_ after he gives Shannon the boot. After all this time he’s really not interested in pursuing a friendship, and so they haven’t. He remains close with Gary, opens up more to Henrik. The Swede has really grown on him since that very first cycle.

He steers clear of Lottie. He knows how he gets around her. It’s never good for either of them.

He watches as Ibrahim spins another web of lies, wins Alexandria over again, as he’s managed to before.

~*~*~*~

**ZERO**

Swiftly, he finishes up in the bathroom and then heads back downstairs. Hannah is nowhere to be found and he sends a silent thank you to the Love Island gods for it. That thanks is quite quickly rescinded when Lex walks through the door.

“Oh,” she blinks in surprise, though she smiles when she sees him. “I was hoping I’d find you here.”

“Here I am,” he laughs weakly and it seems even she can tell his heart’s not quite in it.

“I’m sorry you have to go,” she says, totally sincere as she pulls him into a gentle hug. “You’ve been such a good mate to me, it’s going to be so hard to carry on without you.”

His heart sinks and he wraps his arms a bit tighter around her middle and buries his nose into her unruly toffee colored curls. He’s not ready to go.

“This whole thing’s a mess, isn’t it?” he murmurs. Lex pulls away and nods with a sigh.

“Honestly, the final’s tomorrow and nobody’s in a totally solid couple,” she agrees. “Well… Except for…”

He knows why she won’t just say she and Gary are so solid. He knows it’s just to protect _his_ feelings, because all she does here is protect others’ feelings while she keeps her own cards fairly close to her chest. Even now, after spending four weeks together in a villa in Mallorca with nothing to do but tan and talk, he hardly knows anything about her.

His phone beeps, interrupting any other thoughts he might have, and Lex helps him with the last stretch of packing before they start to head to the front door. Before they can leave the bedroom though, he stops, a deep frown on his face as he studies Lex’s back. She’s stunning tonight, he’s well aware she always has been, but something about the way she looks now, the manner in which she’s let her walls down just a bit so he can see her vulnerable, wobbly smile and the mistiness in her sea green eyes, gives him pause.

When she notices he’s no longer following her, Lex turns and cocks her head at him in question. “You alright, Bobby?”

“I love you.”

The following silence is so heavy with tension he feels like he might burst. He can’t breathe, there’s a pressure in his chest threatening to shatter his ribcage as he watches her fully absorb his confession.

Her brow furrows and she frowns.

“Sorry?”

_Fuck sake._

He crosses the room and takes both her hands in his, a wild look in his eye as he repeats himself.

“I love you.”

Something in her expression makes him feel as if the world is crashing down around him. He hadn’t really planned on telling her if he’s being honest, but in that moment it felt like the right thing to say. Now, he wonders if he’s made the right decision, as realization dawns on her and she gently pulls her hands free of his fast tightening grip.

“You don’t mean that,” she whispers. It feels like a slap to the face. Anger boils within him, the last month of rejection after rejection after rejection finally catching up with him.

“What the fuck do you mean I don’t mean that?” he demands. He can’t find it in himself to care when she physically flinches at his tone.

“Bobby, we were coupled up for a _day_ ,” she replies, and he knows she’s right but he wishes she’d just open her fucking eyes and _see_ that it doesn’t matter how long they were coupled up or how long they were kept apart, he just wants her to see they’re made for one another, they’re _destined_ to be together.

She’s the girl he wants to be with.

She’s the girl he knows he wants to marry.

“What does that matter?” he asks. “I’ve still lived with you for a month. I’ve still had my heart broken over and over and over again watching you pick the others.” _Watching you pick them over me_.

“That’s not my fault though, Bobby,” she bites back and he can spot the fire in her eyes as she takes a definitive step away from him.

The space between them speaks to him more than anything she could ever say, and he realizes in that moment that she’s right. But he can’t bring himself to care.

“You never tried to get back together with me,” he accuses her, and he knows that’s not the right thing to say.

Her expression darkens considerably and she folds her arms across her chest.

“It’s not like _you_ tried to get back with _me_ ,” she insists.

“But–”

“Who’s the one who told me to try it on with Lucas because he liked me?”

“Lex, if you’ll just–”

“Who told Gary to go for it after Casa Amor?”

“Gary _asked_ me–”

“Who hasn’t fought for us one single time since Priya stole you away?”

“That’s not fair–”

“No Bobby, you’re not being fair to me right now,” she practically shouts. She gets closer this time, jamming her finger into his chest. “Every time I tried to talk to you, to ask you if we could maybe try us out again, you either played it off as some funny joke because I’m ‘too good’ for you or pushed me into the arms of another man.”

She pulls away again and this time turns her back completely on him.

“Lex please, there’s no other girl out there for me,” he begs softly. He can feel the uncomfortable sting of tears starting to set in again and his vision blurs for a moment.

“Well you haven’t exactly put the work in,” she snaps. “Instead, you’ve put in the work for everyone else and just expected me to… what? Come to my senses and run back into your arms?”

She’s right and he knows it and he hates it but he can’t find it in himself to admit it just yet. He reaches for her hand but she snatches it away, pressing herself against the doorframe as if she’s trying to ground herself. She’s at least looking at him now, though it’s still only over her shoulder and he’s not sure he’s really enjoying the disgust that’s written all over her face.

 _I made her like that_.

His stomach churns again.

“You don’t love me,” she announces, now deadly calm, “you love the _idea_ of me. You’ve fabricated this narrative around us and just expected it to all work out fine. How fucking _dare_ you come to me and tell me before you’re about to leave that you love me? What did you expect? Did you want me to get on my knees, beg for your forgiveness? Did you want me to pack up my things and run out the door with you, fuck everyone else?”

He can’t respond. He’s gone totally numb. What can he do now? What could he say to make it better?

“Goodbye, Bobby.”

He watches her walk away, doesn’t say anything when he realizes she’s not at the door with the others to see him off.

The next day, she wins with Gary.

It’s no surprise, none of the other couples left are actually happy except for _maybe_ Ibrahim and Shannon. The other islanders have secretly been taking bets on how soon she’ll dump the golfer once they leave. Henrik wins the pot when the pro poker player drops him before the wrap party’s even finished.

Lex doesn’t speak to him the entire night. He can’t say he blames her.

~*~*~*~

**LOOP EIGHTY-SEVEN CONFESSION FINAL FRAGMENT**

The final recoupling is tonight. Lex stays behind with Kassam after the challenge, which could mean one of two things for Bobby. He resolves to wait by the door, catch her on her way back inside. He’s got no other options, knows he can’t stomach being stuck with Hannah for the millionth time.

Kassam comes in first, looking more than pleased with himself as he heads upstairs to the bathroom. Lex follows, doesn’t see Bobby right away, but smiles anyway when he steps out from behind the door.

“Hey, could I pull you for a chat?” he asks.

Concern flickers across her face and she smiles. “‘Course babes,” she replies. Something happened at the challenge stage, he’s sure of it. She’s so unguarded, practically glowing.

She never looked like that when she was with him.

They head into the lounge, are quiet until they’re sure everyone’s gone upstairs to get ready for tonight. Hannah’s been shooting him meaningful looks all night. He doesn’t want to end up with her, doesn’t think he can stomach anymore awkward sexual encounters. Hannah doesn’t care about him. She’s as desperate as he is for validation, though she’s better at hiding it.

“I just… have to get this out,” he croaks. When had his throat gone so dry?

Lex places a gentle hand over his, a soft, kind smile on her face as she urges him to keep going. His heart aches. He’s never done this before, always chooses to keep quiet.

This time is different. He knows what he wants.

“I’m in love with you,” he announces. “I should have apologized sooner, then maybe… Maybe I wouldn’t have lost you.” He takes a huge breath, exhaling as slowly as he can in an attempt to remain calm. “I want to be with you, Lex. I love you so much it hurts.”

Lex looks gobsmacked. Her previously soft expression crumbles. There’s doubt in her eyes. She’s conflicted, chewing on her lip again, her usual tell when she’s mulling something over.

“Bobby…,” she says his name on an exhale, barely audible. He can see tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. “Bobby, I’m so sorry, but I love Kassam.”

His world comes down around him. She… what?

“He’s just told me outside. We’re in love, Bobby,” she continues. She looks like she’s in pain. “I’m… I’m choosing him at the recoupling tonight.”

That’s not what he wanted. His heart twists painfully in his chest. Without another word to her, he stands and takes his leave. While the others are getting ready, he packs his bags. The producers try to stop him but he won’t let them. He’s tired. He wants to go home. He’s done.

~*~*~*~

**L?_P ?$?#@**

Tonight’s a recoupling and everyone is feeling tense. Two girls are going home and he’s fairly certain he knows who. He’s trying to decide if he should couple back up with Alexandria and coast along in mutual awkwardness until they’re inevitably kicked off and the cycle restarts all over again.

He’s tired.

He’s so fucking tired.

Alexandria, Elisa, and Shannon are the last girls left and Bobby’s up to choose. He glances at the three of them, vaguely recalls being in this situation many times before. He never chooses Shannon, he’s never trusted her to begin with and with good reason after all the times he’s watched Ibrahim stay with her only to be stabbed in the back once the wrap party’s over and done.

Sometimes Jo is in that position. He normally picks her, likes her energy and style. She can keep up with him, gets his humor fairly well, and he knows if he brought her home to his friends they’d love her to bits.

But Jo isn’t up here tonight. She’s with Ibrahim, as she usually is.

He makes a speech about how hard the decision is, though he knows it isn’t, not really. Hope had told him earlier Alexandria wanted to be with him and he’s nothing if not a goddamn creature of habit.

“God only knows why,” she’d said. “You’ve treated her so poorly these past few weeks, I don’t know what she sees in you.”

He doesn’t know anymore either.

He ends up choosing her though, as he always does, and after they’ve all said their goodbyes the other islanders return to the villa, ready to get changed for bed and finally cuddle with the partners they truly want to be with.

Bobby can’t help the bitterness rising in his chest as he watches Lottie and Gary laugh and banter and chase one another around downstairs.

As he’s brushing his teeth, he tries to tune out the sound of the girls and their gossiping as they remove their makeup and pull on their pajamas. Alexandria’s oddly quiet tonight, though he’s not too concerned about it. She’s always quiet now, especially with the way he’s been acting.

Just before he leaves the bathroom, Alexandria’s curly hair pops into view as she leans over the shorter wall between the mirrors overlooking the hallway. “Hey Bobby, mind if I pull you for a chat?”

He really doesn’t want to talk to her right now. He’d rather _die_ than talk to her right now.

Reticently, he fakes a smile and nods.

Alexandria takes him to the roof terrace as the last of the girls head downstairs to turn in for the night. The brunette toys anxiously with her mic pack as they sit in silence and for the first time in a very long time Bobby feels guilty.

After all this time together, he hasn’t tried to speak to her as he would any of his other friends, hasn’t treated her right like she honestly deserves. She’s lost her light, he doesn’t know why she’s still even sitting here with him. There’s something painful about the way she sits, the way she’s hunched over on herself, her nose scrunched in that way he knows is her trying to keep herself from crying. He wonders why, if she’s so hurt by him, she chooses to stay.

Then again, he knows what it’s like to be in love and not have those feelings returned.

“So what’d you want to chat about?” he asks. He’s not sure what’s about to happen, whether she’ll try to kiss him or scream at him, but when she looks up at him, her deep, beautiful eyes dull from weeks of stress and drama, he can feel his heart break all over again. He’s done this to her. He’s chewed her up and spit her out so many times, but this time is different. She looks small, vulnerable, like her spirit has been properly crushed beneath his foot. It’s almost enough to stir old feelings back up again.

Almost.

“Something’s wrong with you,” she finally announces and the force of her statement feels like a slap to the face. He knows her to be a blunt woman, it’s part of her charm, one of the reasons he initially fell for her. But the _way_ she said it, the manner in which she folded in upon herself as if there was nothing and nobody who could put her back together, actually does start to chip away at his frozen heart.

Something stirs in him. It’s an awful, ugly feeling, something he’s felt time and time again throughout the months he’s been stuck on repeat.

He’s angry.

He’s so, _so_ fucking angry with her he can’t even begin to describe how real and raw that single emotion is.

“Oh, aye?” he snaps. He tries not to feel smug when he notices her wince.

“If you don’t like me, why’d you choose me?” she presses. “It’s fucked up, Bobby. I thought, after all this time, maybe I’d gotten through to you. But…”

“But?” Bobby snorts. “But what? You thought your perfect little act would get me onside like the others?”

Her eyes widen considerably, though she doesn’t respond.

“I’m sick of this,” he continues, finally, _finally_ allowing his rage to properly surface. “Do you know how many times I’ve tried to be with you? To get you to love me back? To get you to even _look_ in my fucking direction?”

She’s confused, doesn’t know exactly what’s going on, but he continues anyway.

“You’re so high maintenance it makes me want to _vomit_ ,” he snarls. “I’ve tried for so long to get you to care about me, to _want_ me, and it takes me acting like a complete arsehole to get through to you, do you understand how fucked up that is?”

“Bobby, I–”

Bobby raises a hand to stop her before she can finish. “No, you listen to me, lass,” he practically spits, “I’m so tired of chasin’ you around all the time, stuck in the same goddamn loop of will she or won’t she, you’ve torn me apart, completely destroyed me, and you don’t even _care_!”

He knows he’s got no right to speak to her like this, knows she couldn’t possibly be privy to the hell he’s gone through trying to get even an inkling of her affections in return.

“You’re disgusting, actually,” he decides to say, and the way her expression crumbles hits him in that sickeningly satisfying way he hasn’t felt in months, possibly _years_ with how fucking long he’s been stuck like this. “I can’t stand to look at you. Sometimes I wish you’d just disappear.”

Tears well up in her eyes but they do nothing to him. He’s tired, he’s _so_ fucking tired, how could she ever understand? He knows he’s fucked it all up this time, but he supposes it’s worth another fucking go around to be able to say this to her knowing she’ll never remember it.

Without another word, Alexandria rises and leaves the terrace. Bobby waits a few more moments before he follows her out, and he’s met with silent anger from the remainder of the islanders in the room. He doesn’t care, can’t find it in himself to bother with them as he stomps to their empty bed.

Briefly he wonders if she’s gone out to the daybeds but he quickly shoves the questions down in favor of crawling under the duvet and forcing himself to sleep. He’s got another week to flitter through before it all starts over again. He can do this.

He can do this.

~*~*~*~

**L00P FIV3 HUNDR3D TW3NTY_THR33 L@ST FRG**

It’s between Chelsea and Henrik and him and Jo. He knows he’s not gonna last the night, Alexandria is far too attached to Chelsea and everyone knows he and Jo are a friend couple.

Funny how he always bonds with the women who can’t have Alexandria’s man.

Jo squeezes his hand, a weak smile on her face. “We tried our best,” she offers, though he knows she’s just trying to cheer herself up.

“I guess we did,” he replies. He doesn’t pretend he’s okay.

He doesn’t know how to escape this rut, how to get out of all of this. No matter what he does, he never gets the girl he wants.

The girl he deserves.

Once everyone returns to the firepit, Alexandria squeezes Chelsea’s hand, whispers something to her. It cheers the other girl up considerably. Bobby wonders briefly if he tells her who she voted for. Not that it matters much to him.

This time around hasn’t been like the others. This time around he hardly spoke to her. He didn’t seek her out and she stayed clear of him. They hardly even know each other. He’s stopped thinking of her as someone he could love. Instead, he’s sick anytime he looks at her.

This is all her fault.

Everything is her fault.

Why can’t she love him back? Why can’t she just do that for him?

He’s done so much, _sacrificed_ so much to be here, and what thanks does he get?

“…Jo and Bobby.”

Alexandria doesn’t say goodbye. He doesn’t confess. They’re not friends after all. His comment when he first saw her was enough to put her off him. He doesn’t care.

He feels empty.

~*~*~*~

**L?_P ?$?#@**

Bobby discovers later when Alexandria doesn’t make an appearance the next day that she left in the middle of the night. His chances of finally finishing the cycle are effectively ruined but he can’t really blame it on anyone but himself. He wonders if they’ll air their argument, considers how thoroughly fucked he’d be if they do.

Then again, he won’t see it anyway. The cycle will restart the morning after the wrap party and he’ll get a chance to redo all of it. He ignores the pointed glares he receives from the other islanders, pretends he doesn’t notice Chelsea sobbing into Elijah’s chest where they sit on the swinging bench, or the way Lottie’s grip tightens on her water bottle anytime he comes near her.

After a full afternoon of silent glares and exclusion, the producers sit Bobby down in the beach hut for a chat.

“We’re not airing the argument,” one of them announces. Bobby searches his memory for his name, but when he comes up short he settles on referring to him as Keith. He looks like a Keith.

“Why’s that?” he asks, though he doesn’t particularly care. It won’t effect him either way.

“Lex specifically requested it,” Keith responds. The sound of the nickname _he’d_ originally given her that first time round coming from Keith sounds bitter and ugly, but he doesn’t say anything about it. He lost the right to call her that many cycles ago. “You don’t seem very affected by the news.”

Bobby shrugs. “It doesn’t really matter to me if I’m being honest,” he admits. Keith gives him a look like he’s grown a second head. Bobby would just like to punch him in the mouth.

“Regardless, we can’t have you in the Villa after everything that happened,” Keith sighs, running a hand through his brassy blonde hair. “The others are visibly uncomfortable, we’re not able to use most of the footage from today because of it, and you broke more than one rule from our conduct policy.”

What a load of shite.

Bobby huffs and rolls his eyes. He’s never been ejected for rule violations before, but he finds he doesn’t really mind. That just means he can go home and see his family for a few days before the cycle inevitably begins again.

He’s escorted by two large security guards back downstairs. None of the other islanders are allowed inside, though he doesn’t really mind. He’s got nothing to say to them anyway.

He has to stay at a smaller Villa until the episode where he’s left airs, and when it does, he vaguely registers Iain explaining Bobby had been ejected during the afternoon for a rule violation. The PR team comes in, tells him what the media is saying about Alexandria’s sudden exit, about the speculation around their relationship and the hate he is sure to receive and how exactly he should handle it.

He resolves to just delete all of his social media. It won’t matter in a few days anyway.

Once the week’s up, he makes an appearance on the after show that airs on Sundays. Alexandria is there but doesn’t say anything for the majority of the filming. There’s an obvious awkward air around them, though she’s surprisingly calm considering everything he’d said to her.

Before the episode is over, a question for Alexandria is read off Twitter. The sender asks if she regrets sticking with Bobby if this was how it was going to end, and she smiles and shakes her head.

“I’ll admit it’s a bit painful not to have your feelings returned,” she replies, careful to keep her voice even and firm, “but that’s just how it is. I fell in love and he didn’t, and he’ll find someone on the outside for sure. I don’t regret anything I did in there, and I definitely don’t regret the way I feel.”

Bobby blinks. Once. Twice. A third time.

He swivels in his seat, trying to keep his expression calm as he looks her over.

“Fell in _love?_ ” he croaks softly. For the first time since the session began, she turns to look at him, stares right through him as she nods her reply.

“Yes, Bobby,” she confirms. “I fell in love with you. And it’s alright if you don’t feel the same.”

He suddenly regrets everything he’s said and done to her over the past few weeks. The pain shining in her eyes as she admits her feelings, candid on camera, is too palpable, too much all at once. He rises from his seat without another word and leaves the small stage to a chorus of boos from the audience. He doesn’t care. He just needs to get away.

The flight back to Scotland feels longer than it should, and when his friends and family greet him he falls into his mother’s waiting arms as a sob threatens to rip itself from his throat. He’d already spoken with the producers, agreed it would be best if he did not attend the wrap party. He’d rather spend all the time he has left with his loved ones before he’s ripped away from them again, stuck in an endless, loveless, horrible cycle all over again.

But Alexandria had said she loved him.

She _loved_ him.

He can’t stop thinking about it as he’s driven to his parents’ house, can’t stop turning her last words to him over and over in his head as he deletes his Twitter, Instagram, and any other possible accounts the public could find him on. He needs time to process, needs to seriously look at himself so he’s better prepared for the next time around.

The day of the live final and wrap party comes and Bobby sleeps through most of the day. He refuses to watch, though his sister keeps him updated from her spot on the couch as he stress bakes his thirteenth batch of biscuits. She tells him Gary and Lottie have won, says they split the money. Bobby tries to be happy for them but he can’t really feel anything anymore, not when he’ll have to redo the whole thing tomorrow.

Midnight comes and goes, and Bobby falls into a dreamless, fitful sleep. He tosses and turns, wakes multiple times throughout. Each time he expects to be in a foreign hotel room, one with windows from floor to ceiling barely covered by rich red curtains hung with care.

When the morning finally comes, Bobby refuses to open his eyes. He doesn’t want to think about the fact Mark will be here in a few minutes. He waits, and waits, and waits, but nothing happens.

Nobody comes.

Eventually, Bobby sits up in bed, immediately recognizes his old, worn wardrobe and worn laptop still sitting open on his desk from secondary school, though the battery’s run out by now.

He thinks he could be dreaming, so he pinches himself, wincing as he does, a frown on his face. A quick glance at the clock on his bedside table shows the time at one in the afternoon.

His heart all but stops.

This can’t be right.

He should be getting ready to head to the Villa.

The final was _yesterday_.

With a speed he wasn’t previously aware he possessed, Bobby races down the stairs.

“Mam!” he shouts, hears a squeal and a clatter as a bowl hits the ground.

“Robert McKenzie, I swear to–”

“Not now, what day is it?” he demands. His mother stops short, takes in his dissheveled appearance and snorts.

“It’s the twenty-ninth,” she replies, now more amused than angry. “You’d think the world had ended, you gave me such a fright.”

Bobby pauses for a moment, truly allows himself to digest what he’s just been told, before a grin spreads across his face. It’s the first time he’s truly smiled in ages, and he can feel hysterical laughter bubbling up in his chest until he’s doubled over laughing so hard he’s begun to sob, choking on every breath as he hangs onto a chair for dear life.

“Bobby, what the fuck’s gotten into you?” his mother demands.

Bobby doesn’t answer, simply approaches her and pulls her into a bone-crushing hug.

“I did it, mam,” he whispers, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“Er, that’s nice?”

He’s done it.

He’s broken the cycle.

Bobby’s finally free.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry. :)


End file.
